A Grapefruit A Day
“Doctor Greene had just told the funniest story about a man that came into the emergency room with a hard-on and—” Jacob stopped abruptly realizing the inappropriateness of his comments given the circumstances. In his defense, however, the detective had asked him to describe the events of the evening.
“Anyhow, Violet asked the waiter for a dozen grapefruits and then she just fell over. Dead.” The detective did not flinch at Jacob’s bluntness.
“Did Miss Knight have any enemies? Anyone who might have wanted to harm her?”
“Violet? Oh gosh, no. She was a doll. She loved everyone.” After a pause he added, “Well to be honest, I don’t think women cared for her much, but I guess I can see that.”
“What do you mean?”
“She is—was—beautiful. Women can be kind of catty about that.”
Across the table, the sultry blonde snorted. Both men turned to look at her. “Is there something you’d like to add, Miss Westerfeld?” asked the detective.
The center of attention now, the sequins on her dress winked as she took a long moment to cross her legs and pull on the cigarette held artistically between her fingers. “We weren’t jealous of her if that’s what you are suggesting. Violet was a greedy child. If she wanted something, she just took it.” She eyed him as she blew a stream of smoke between her brightly painted lips.
“Tell me about your relationship with Violet Knight.”
“Oh, Vee and I go way back; went to school together.”
“You don’t seem too upset about your friend’s death?
“I didn’t say we were friends. Vee was—how can I say this? Vee was only your friend when she needed you.”
So, you didn’t like her?”
“I didn’t say that either. I just knew what she was. Kind of admired her bluntness. You always knew where you stood.”
Turning to face the elegant young man to his left, the detective asked, “Dr. Greene, what can you tell me about tonight?”
“I doubt I have much to add. Violet invited us all here to put the squeeze on us for some pet project of hers.”
“You sound a little resentful.”
“Oh no, I adore her. Everyone does, but Karen is correct. She is spoiled. She flits from cause to cause. It’s always something- starving children or homeless animals, or maybe it’s homeless children and starving animals. She’s always hitting us up for cash to save the world.”
“So, why did you agree to come tonight?”
“How could I not? You can’t say no to her. Being around Violet is like spending too long in the sun. You know you will burn for it later, but at the time it is too glorious to resist. She is—” A low-pitched buzz caused the doctor to glance down at his phone. Studying the text message, he apologized. “Sorry, on-call tonight. Got to go.”
“Before you go, Dr. Greene can you please explain about the grapefruit?”
“What?”
“The grapefruit. I understand you were telling a story right before Miss Knight collapsed.”
“Oh yes, the grapefruit. Well, the fish course had just arrived, and the salmon had a delicious shallot and grapefruit sauce. Then Karen said something about a friend being on a grapefruit diet and so I told them about this guy that showed up at the emergency room the other night holding his crotch and screaming in pain. Turns out, he was going through some sort of mid-life crisis. He was eating grapefruit three meals a day and popping Viagra at night to keep up with a wife and a mistress. It took sixteen hours to get his soldier to stop saluting.
When I finished telling the story, everybody was rolling with laughter, but then Violet piped up and asked the waiter for a dozen grapefruit to-go and we all absolutely lost it.”
“I don’t understand. Why grapefruit?”
“Drug interaction. Grapefruit does that; causes your body to absorb too much of some drugs. The story had a happy ending, but it seriously could have killed the guy.”
“Oh, I see. Thank you, Doctor Greene. We’ll be in touch.”
Turning to face the table again, he looked at the two elderly spinsters seated across from him. “Well ladies, that leaves us with just you. Who do you think killed Violet Knight?”
The two women exchanged glances. Sadie, the slightly taller of the two, spoke first. “Do you know for certain that she was murdered? Couldn’t it have just been some awful accident?”
“Of course, we will have to wait for toxicology, but the coroner seemed pretty certain that she was poisoned.”
“Oh dear, that is distressing,” murmured the shorter spinster fretfully.
Reaching over to pat her friend’s hand, Sadie continued, “I cannot imagine anyone harming that beautiful young woman. She was positively ebullient.”
“Ebullient?”
“Ebullient. It means full of life,” instructed Sadie pedantically.
“Yes ma’am, I know what it means. It was just an interesting choice of words.”
“Words are important young man. You must use them judiciously.”
“Yes ma’am, I try.”
“For instance,” continued Sadie, “if you listened carefully you would have heard Dr. Greene confess his love for Miss Knight.
“I surmised the same—” began the detective.
“And this one,” gesturing to Karen, “is hiding something.”
When he turned to the glittering femme fatale, he saw her gaze flit nervously to the old woman. “What? You’re not seriously listening to this crazy old bat?”
Sadie pushed on, “which was it, love or money?”
Karen tensed angrily. “Maybe you two did it. Like Arsenic and Old Lace?”
“Ah ha, so it is love! Whose heart did she steal? Boyfriend? Husband?”
Karen’s face mottled with anger as she shouted, “Everyone! If you must know. She stole everyone! Everyone loved her and she loved them back.” Karen’s hand flew to her mouth as if to stop the confession. But after a moment her shoulders slumped, and gentle tears began to slide down her face. “She loved everyone—except me!”
“Anyhow, Violet asked the waiter for a dozen grapefruits and then she just fell over. Dead.” The detective did not flinch at Jacob’s bluntness.
“Did Miss Knight have any enemies? Anyone who might have wanted to harm her?”
“Violet? Oh gosh, no. She was a doll. She loved everyone.” After a pause he added, “Well to be honest, I don’t think women cared for her much, but I guess I can see that.”
“What do you mean?”
“She is—was—beautiful. Women can be kind of catty about that.”
Across the table, the sultry blonde snorted. Both men turned to look at her. “Is there something you’d like to add, Miss Westerfeld?” asked the detective.
The center of attention now, the sequins on her dress winked as she took a long moment to cross her legs and pull on the cigarette held artistically between her fingers. “We weren’t jealous of her if that’s what you are suggesting. Violet was a greedy child. If she wanted something, she just took it.” She eyed him as she blew a stream of smoke between her brightly painted lips.
“Tell me about your relationship with Violet Knight.”
“Oh, Vee and I go way back; went to school together.”
“You don’t seem too upset about your friend’s death?
“I didn’t say we were friends. Vee was—how can I say this? Vee was only your friend when she needed you.”
So, you didn’t like her?”
“I didn’t say that either. I just knew what she was. Kind of admired her bluntness. You always knew where you stood.”
Turning to face the elegant young man to his left, the detective asked, “Dr. Greene, what can you tell me about tonight?”
“I doubt I have much to add. Violet invited us all here to put the squeeze on us for some pet project of hers.”
“You sound a little resentful.”
“Oh no, I adore her. Everyone does, but Karen is correct. She is spoiled. She flits from cause to cause. It’s always something- starving children or homeless animals, or maybe it’s homeless children and starving animals. She’s always hitting us up for cash to save the world.”
“So, why did you agree to come tonight?”
“How could I not? You can’t say no to her. Being around Violet is like spending too long in the sun. You know you will burn for it later, but at the time it is too glorious to resist. She is—” A low-pitched buzz caused the doctor to glance down at his phone. Studying the text message, he apologized. “Sorry, on-call tonight. Got to go.”
“Before you go, Dr. Greene can you please explain about the grapefruit?”
“What?”
“The grapefruit. I understand you were telling a story right before Miss Knight collapsed.”
“Oh yes, the grapefruit. Well, the fish course had just arrived, and the salmon had a delicious shallot and grapefruit sauce. Then Karen said something about a friend being on a grapefruit diet and so I told them about this guy that showed up at the emergency room the other night holding his crotch and screaming in pain. Turns out, he was going through some sort of mid-life crisis. He was eating grapefruit three meals a day and popping Viagra at night to keep up with a wife and a mistress. It took sixteen hours to get his soldier to stop saluting.
When I finished telling the story, everybody was rolling with laughter, but then Violet piped up and asked the waiter for a dozen grapefruit to-go and we all absolutely lost it.”
“I don’t understand. Why grapefruit?”
“Drug interaction. Grapefruit does that; causes your body to absorb too much of some drugs. The story had a happy ending, but it seriously could have killed the guy.”
“Oh, I see. Thank you, Doctor Greene. We’ll be in touch.”
Turning to face the table again, he looked at the two elderly spinsters seated across from him. “Well ladies, that leaves us with just you. Who do you think killed Violet Knight?”
The two women exchanged glances. Sadie, the slightly taller of the two, spoke first. “Do you know for certain that she was murdered? Couldn’t it have just been some awful accident?”
“Of course, we will have to wait for toxicology, but the coroner seemed pretty certain that she was poisoned.”
“Oh dear, that is distressing,” murmured the shorter spinster fretfully.
Reaching over to pat her friend’s hand, Sadie continued, “I cannot imagine anyone harming that beautiful young woman. She was positively ebullient.”
“Ebullient?”
“Ebullient. It means full of life,” instructed Sadie pedantically.
“Yes ma’am, I know what it means. It was just an interesting choice of words.”
“Words are important young man. You must use them judiciously.”
“Yes ma’am, I try.”
“For instance,” continued Sadie, “if you listened carefully you would have heard Dr. Greene confess his love for Miss Knight.
“I surmised the same—” began the detective.
“And this one,” gesturing to Karen, “is hiding something.”
When he turned to the glittering femme fatale, he saw her gaze flit nervously to the old woman. “What? You’re not seriously listening to this crazy old bat?”
Sadie pushed on, “which was it, love or money?”
Karen tensed angrily. “Maybe you two did it. Like Arsenic and Old Lace?”
“Ah ha, so it is love! Whose heart did she steal? Boyfriend? Husband?”
Karen’s face mottled with anger as she shouted, “Everyone! If you must know. She stole everyone! Everyone loved her and she loved them back.” Karen’s hand flew to her mouth as if to stop the confession. But after a moment her shoulders slumped, and gentle tears began to slide down her face. “She loved everyone—except me!”
