Chanel #5
“Everyone stay inside and keep the doors locked. This is not the greatest neighborhood. I am just going to pop down and pick up a few things. Do not open the door for anyone but me. Understand?”
Ben turned to see if his children were listening.
Without looking up from his tablet, his son mumbled, “Yeah, yeah…bad neighborhood…doors locked…got it.”
Ben reached out to squeeze his son’s knee. “Hey, I'm serious.”
The boy tapped a key to pause his game and looked at his father. “I know, but its not like it’s the first time we've been to Earth. Suki went on a field trip last week.”
“Fine. I understand that. But you can never be too careful.”
Ben studied his children. Micah was as tall as he was even though he was barely passed his fifteenth revolution. He had his mother's dark eyes. His human skin was growing patchy again; he might need to molt before school. His daughter, Suki, was probably the most human of the family. She had grown up wearing skin. She was wearing that ridiculous pink hair bow again. Kara, his wife, had assured him that it was just a phase.
“She’ll grow out of it. She just wants to look like her friends at school.”
Ben had considered pointing out the ironyy of wearing a hair bow when you had scales, but he didn’t bother.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, my egg?”
“Mommy said to get some more breast milk. She said I could grow hair if I drink my human milk. I want to have golden curls like my friend, Sarah.”
“That's stupid,” interjected Micah.
Ben watched Suki's eyes fill with tears. “Micah! That was unnecessary. Apologize to your sister.”
With the snarkiness of a pre-teen Micah offered, “Sorry. You wouldn’t look dumb at all with green skin and yellow hair.”
“Okay, then. I’ll be back as quickly as I can. Suki, you wanna push the button?”
When Ben materialized in the workshop of Samuel's Antique Shoppe, he grasped the counter. Something about the way Suki pushed the button on the transporter always made him a little woozy.
“Ben, is that you?” Samuel's gravelly voice grew louder as he wound his way through the decades of human memorabilia. “I thought I heard the transporter.”
A wide grin broke across his wrinkled face. “How are you my friend?”
“Doing well, thanks.”
“And the kids? How is my sweet Suki? And your lovely wife?”
“Kara is well. The new babies should hatch any day. And your “sweet Suki” wants golden hair.”
Samuel grimaced. “Really? Why can't kids just be happy the way they are? There was a beautiful blue Andorite in here the other day looking at a wicker ottaman.”
“I know, but you of all people should understand the desire to blend in. Humans are one of the few races left that still divide the world into us and them. Assimilation is a survival skill.”
Samuel fingered the knots on his tallit. Ben knew that the prayer shawl was more of an affectation for Samuel. The women whose liked to wander between the teetering stacks of books and other rare bits liked the idea of the little Jewish shopkeeper. It made them feel cosmopolitan. Samuel wasn’t opposed to throwing in a bit of Yiddish to enhance the image. But Ben also knew about the brother that Samuel had lost in the second cleansing.
Samuel sighed. “You’re right. When you’re right, you’re right. Ma Nishtana, and all. Maybe someday we will realize that we’re all the same. Even you, you cold blooded bastard.”
Ben laughed at the familiar jab. “Hey, I’m no different than you. Some of my best meals are Jews.”
Samuel gave a sharp bark of a laugh that turned into a cough. Catching his breath, he asked, You got time for a drink?”
Pointing skyward Ben apologized, “Sorry, the kids are waiting.”
“Should’ve brought’em down. I found an ancient Barbie for Suki and I think Micah would enjoy the old copies of Field and Stream. Lots of those animals don’t exist anymore.”
“You spoil my children. Save the gifts for their hatching day. Its coming soon.”
“What good does it do to be their honorary uncle if I cannot spoil them?”
Lowering his voice, Ben asked, “ Have you managed to get the thing I asked for?”
Reaching beneath the counter, Samuel pulled out an old-fashioned VCR tape. The cardboard sleeve was ragged and held together by tape but the title, War of the Worlds, was still legible.
Sliding the tape across the counter Samuel commented, “I don’t know why you like this stuff. Don’t you find it offensive?”
“I do, but Kara enjoys it. She says it's like porn for aliens.”
Samuel slid the tape beneath the counter when the bell on the front door jingled. The woman hesitated when she noticed Ben. Arranging her face into what she must of thought was tolerance, she approached them. “Do you have any old paperback romances?”
Samuel glanced at the woman. “You know those are banned, right?”
“Oh. Someone said you might….” Her voice trailed off as her face flooded with color. “Relax. I didn’t say I didn’t have’em.”
As Samuel wandered off, Ben and the woman stood awkwardly.
“Nice weather, huh?” offered Ben. The scent of her perfume tickled his sensitive nose and he tried to hide a sneeze.
When Samuel returned, arms loaded with paperbacks, he was disappointed to find the woman gone. “Where…?”
Ben interrupted, “I hate to eat and run but I’ve got to get going.”
Samuel felt his mouth fall open before he could stop it. “You mean, you…she…?” Ben paused and then smiled, “No friend, I am teasing you.”
Awkwardly, Samuel bluffed. “Of course. How silly of me.”
Regrouping he added, “I sent your supplies on up while I was in the back.”
“Thanks. See you next week?”
Ben belched loudly as he followed the old man to the workshop. “Beg your pardon! Chanel Number Five always gives me heartburn.”
Ben turned to see if his children were listening.
Without looking up from his tablet, his son mumbled, “Yeah, yeah…bad neighborhood…doors locked…got it.”
Ben reached out to squeeze his son’s knee. “Hey, I'm serious.”
The boy tapped a key to pause his game and looked at his father. “I know, but its not like it’s the first time we've been to Earth. Suki went on a field trip last week.”
“Fine. I understand that. But you can never be too careful.”
Ben studied his children. Micah was as tall as he was even though he was barely passed his fifteenth revolution. He had his mother's dark eyes. His human skin was growing patchy again; he might need to molt before school. His daughter, Suki, was probably the most human of the family. She had grown up wearing skin. She was wearing that ridiculous pink hair bow again. Kara, his wife, had assured him that it was just a phase.
“She’ll grow out of it. She just wants to look like her friends at school.”
Ben had considered pointing out the ironyy of wearing a hair bow when you had scales, but he didn’t bother.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, my egg?”
“Mommy said to get some more breast milk. She said I could grow hair if I drink my human milk. I want to have golden curls like my friend, Sarah.”
“That's stupid,” interjected Micah.
Ben watched Suki's eyes fill with tears. “Micah! That was unnecessary. Apologize to your sister.”
With the snarkiness of a pre-teen Micah offered, “Sorry. You wouldn’t look dumb at all with green skin and yellow hair.”
“Okay, then. I’ll be back as quickly as I can. Suki, you wanna push the button?”
When Ben materialized in the workshop of Samuel's Antique Shoppe, he grasped the counter. Something about the way Suki pushed the button on the transporter always made him a little woozy.
“Ben, is that you?” Samuel's gravelly voice grew louder as he wound his way through the decades of human memorabilia. “I thought I heard the transporter.”
A wide grin broke across his wrinkled face. “How are you my friend?”
“Doing well, thanks.”
“And the kids? How is my sweet Suki? And your lovely wife?”
“Kara is well. The new babies should hatch any day. And your “sweet Suki” wants golden hair.”
Samuel grimaced. “Really? Why can't kids just be happy the way they are? There was a beautiful blue Andorite in here the other day looking at a wicker ottaman.”
“I know, but you of all people should understand the desire to blend in. Humans are one of the few races left that still divide the world into us and them. Assimilation is a survival skill.”
Samuel fingered the knots on his tallit. Ben knew that the prayer shawl was more of an affectation for Samuel. The women whose liked to wander between the teetering stacks of books and other rare bits liked the idea of the little Jewish shopkeeper. It made them feel cosmopolitan. Samuel wasn’t opposed to throwing in a bit of Yiddish to enhance the image. But Ben also knew about the brother that Samuel had lost in the second cleansing.
Samuel sighed. “You’re right. When you’re right, you’re right. Ma Nishtana, and all. Maybe someday we will realize that we’re all the same. Even you, you cold blooded bastard.”
Ben laughed at the familiar jab. “Hey, I’m no different than you. Some of my best meals are Jews.”
Samuel gave a sharp bark of a laugh that turned into a cough. Catching his breath, he asked, You got time for a drink?”
Pointing skyward Ben apologized, “Sorry, the kids are waiting.”
“Should’ve brought’em down. I found an ancient Barbie for Suki and I think Micah would enjoy the old copies of Field and Stream. Lots of those animals don’t exist anymore.”
“You spoil my children. Save the gifts for their hatching day. Its coming soon.”
“What good does it do to be their honorary uncle if I cannot spoil them?”
Lowering his voice, Ben asked, “ Have you managed to get the thing I asked for?”
Reaching beneath the counter, Samuel pulled out an old-fashioned VCR tape. The cardboard sleeve was ragged and held together by tape but the title, War of the Worlds, was still legible.
Sliding the tape across the counter Samuel commented, “I don’t know why you like this stuff. Don’t you find it offensive?”
“I do, but Kara enjoys it. She says it's like porn for aliens.”
Samuel slid the tape beneath the counter when the bell on the front door jingled. The woman hesitated when she noticed Ben. Arranging her face into what she must of thought was tolerance, she approached them. “Do you have any old paperback romances?”
Samuel glanced at the woman. “You know those are banned, right?”
“Oh. Someone said you might….” Her voice trailed off as her face flooded with color. “Relax. I didn’t say I didn’t have’em.”
As Samuel wandered off, Ben and the woman stood awkwardly.
“Nice weather, huh?” offered Ben. The scent of her perfume tickled his sensitive nose and he tried to hide a sneeze.
When Samuel returned, arms loaded with paperbacks, he was disappointed to find the woman gone. “Where…?”
Ben interrupted, “I hate to eat and run but I’ve got to get going.”
Samuel felt his mouth fall open before he could stop it. “You mean, you…she…?” Ben paused and then smiled, “No friend, I am teasing you.”
Awkwardly, Samuel bluffed. “Of course. How silly of me.”
Regrouping he added, “I sent your supplies on up while I was in the back.”
“Thanks. See you next week?”
Ben belched loudly as he followed the old man to the workshop. “Beg your pardon! Chanel Number Five always gives me heartburn.”
